I was in L.A. recently, and all I wanted to do was hang out with Mama, a.k.a. The RealEstalker. I fell in love with Mama the first time she referred to a fancy pants house as a “big-ass” mansion. Laughed so hard I cried and just about wet myself, or maybe I did. But it was more than professional respect: Mama has a way of looking at these homes, these ridiculously huge homes that no one really needs, but, like a God-awful wreck on the freeway when the Medi-copter swoops down, we just have to look. I mean, I have to look, and that is why being with Mama — actually, Mark — is like being with my twin. Or alter-ego. I had this discussion at a holiday par-tee Saturday night in a home I know Mama would rip to shreds: who the hell wants to see Trailer Park House Porn?
Mama is the original House Porn Queen, I’m just the Texas helping.
When she wrote about Dallasite Phil Romano’s house I almost exploded with laughter. Oh baby, I thought, if you could only see the real thing! This was December/January of 2007/2008, and DallasDirt was relatively new. Phil’s listing agent got wind of what I had posted, well, not posted, but linked to. But no one in Dallas real estate at the time understood linking or blogging or even who the RealEstalker was.
Mama, you were ahead of your time. A true House Porn pioneer.
The agents were angry. How dare someone make fun of one of their listings, how dare I dare to endorse this daring dare of making fun of a listing. Well, I wasn’t. I was reporting it. How dare I dare to not ignore it?
The internet had not sunk in, yet.
Remember when she said, “Preston Holler is one of Dallas’ finer and most expensive neighborhoods where many of the swank streets are lined with mansions that make Beverly Hills look like the damn ghetto.”
Well honey, I don’t know about that, your Bev Hills is pretty darn swanky. Why even the parking meters were decorated with holiday ribbons, so festive.
What was that you said? Oh. Oh yes. We don’t have parking meters in Preston Hollow.
We have chauffeurs!